Baldur’s Gate 3’s companions really make the game. They each have a fascinating backstory, distinct personality, and, of course, a beautiful (or extremely horny) romance arc. Work hard enough to earn a companion’s trust, and you can share a heartfelt exchange and a beautiful night of intimacy. Just beware of what items you have equipped when that happens… because they just might show up.
[Ed. note: The rest of this story contains spoilers for the Shadowheart romance arc, and the very beginning of Act 3.]
We had just entered Rivington, and of course we went right into the Circus of Last Days. The whole crew was there: my Druid character along with Astarion, plus my partner role-playing a Monk named Dex and his girlfriend Shadowheart. We weren’t about to pass up some lively entertainment, or the chance to murder a clown named Dribbles. We made lively conversation with Akabi — who luckily did not turn us into a wheel of cheese — and with Zara the Mummy.
Unfortunately, my partner made one dire miscalculation. He took up Zara on her offer of face paint for Shadowheart, his beau and our party’s primary healer. What he did not know was that it would be clown paint, and that it could not be removed until a long rest. What he also did not know was what would await him.
Off to a long rest we went, ready to wipe the clown paint off Shadowheart’s beautiful mug. But she had some things she wanted to tell Dex first, and some things she wanted to do with him.
:format(webp):no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/24906138/shadowheartclown.png)
Reader, my partner is afraid of clowns.
Obviously, I was watching the whole thing (kinky) and helped my partner make sensible dialogue choices while he hyperventilated. We were in this together.
Shadowheart took Dex to a beautifully secluded spot, a shoreline where waves gently lapped the beach. She bared her soul — and her boobs — to him, shedding clothing while prodding him into being more adventurous. They went skinny-dipping. The layers of goth, Sharan girlfriend peeled away to reveal a more sensitive yet daring side; the true Shadowheart, the one that Dex had worked so hard to earn the trust of.
She had clown face paint on the whole time.
:format(webp):no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/24906292/shadowheart3.png)
The two wandered ashore, and Shadowheart shared her most intimate thoughts with Dex, saying, “Thank you. I needed that. I needed to know I can face things without Shar.”
The touching moment culminated into a touching moment. The camera panned up to give Shadowheart and Dex a bit of privacy, in classic rom-com fashion. The morning rolled on, and our characters awoke on their bedrolls, spells and status effects reset, ready to face the day. The deed had been done. The long rest ended, and Shadowheart’s face was refreshed to its original state.
“it was horrible. i hated it,” my partner told Polygon via WhatsApp, when reached for comment. “i hate to be traumatized by my goth digital girlfriend.”
And hey, if you love clowns, then take this as a PSA — you can absolutely fuck your companion while wearing (or while they wear) clown face paint. You can even do it while Dribbles the clown’s bloody torso is currently in your inventory. It’s 2023, and there will be no kink-shaming.